5 Ways Shitty Sex Ed is Still Messing With You

Ah yes. Sex Ed. We are so freaked out about naked bodies and where babies come from in our society we can barely talk about sexuality.



What is your first memory of sex education? What was the tone? How was sex talked about? It’s no secret that sex ed needs a revamp. To this day we still teach sex ed like the only things that matter are not getting pregnant and not getting diseases. Shame and negativity are still the tone. And that means we bring that shame and negativity into the bedroom with us. So let’s look at five ways the sex education you received is STILL messing with your sex life.

  1. No one told you about it’s also supposed to feel good. In fact they made you feel like those sexual urges were something to be ashamed of and that giving in to them would ruin your life. People have sex for pleasure MOST OF THE TIME. Occasionally they do it to have babies. Your body was designed to feel good. It was designed to be touched and caressed. Sexual pleasure is good for you. I could go on forever. The short story is that shame is a total buzz kill and guaranteed its hanging you up and holding you back from really great orgasms in small and not so small ways.


  2. Masturbation was not even mentioned and they skipped the detailed anatomy. Solo loving is the number one way to get satisfaction under the sheets. If you don’t know your own sexual landscape it’s pretty tough to ask for what you want and need. And great lovers are not mind readers. They know how to get coaching from the person who owns the body they want to pleasure. Did you know there are five different areas of erectile tissue in the vagina, or that it gets 200% bigger and longer during arousal? Our bodies are fascinating and fun to explore. If no one taught you to masturbate without guilt lady - it’s time to start now.


  3. You didn’t see yourself represented. Most sex ed classes focus on one kind of sex - intercourse that involves a penis going in a vagina. First-off, even if you are in a heterosexual monogamous couple this is NOT the only way to give each other pleasure. If you happen to fall into the many other healthy ways that people express their sexual and romantic feelings for each other on the LGTBQ2S+ spectrum then it’s very likely you never saw your urges, your relationships, your feelings, your questions or your reality represented. You might still be questioning today if some of your desires are “normal” or “ok". You might not have given yourself permission to explore fully, to be totally unleashed in who you are and in your pleasure. We are all worse off when we only see intercourse focused sex. There are so many ways to please a human body and so many ways for humans to love each other - but the truth is it can be very unsafe still in this world to express this fully.

  4. They got you all freaked out about VD. Yup. They used to like to get everyone all freaked out with the pictures and the fear tactics. That fear whether its top of mind or low on the back burner of your brain does not help you get into a relaxed state that is optimal for orgasms. The times have changed team and we’ll talk more about it later but please know 1) almost all sexually transmitted infections are curable or manageable and 2) get tested regularly and talk to your partners and you should be ok.

    Which leads me to my last point…

  5. They did not give you the tools to talk about it. Consent is huge these days. It wasn’t so much back in the day. People can get all complicated about it but consent, at its heart, is about checking in with yourself about what you want, and checking in with the other person to make sure they want it to. Easy peasy right? Ha! This takes vulnerability ninja tools and great communication skills. Things we are all naturally born with right? It is tough to lay bare our desires and to put them out there for someone to respond to. And hearing a no can feel awful. But having sex that we don’t want or that our partner doesn’t want is even worse. The trauma we as women have experienced as a result of our collective inability to “talk about it” is mega. It’s in all of us, in our lineages, and is inescapable and it affects our ability to truly let go and enjoy.


There’s so much more I want to share on all of these topics. For now, it’s never too late to get better sex ed. This week, I encourage you to...

  • Experience some guilt free pleasure - of any kind

  • Masturbate and learn one new thing about your body

  • Allow yourself to experiment with a new sexual side of yourself

  • Read up some current info on Sexually Transmitted Infections - I highly recommend this resource.

  • Start talking about pleasure, and desire. Be more vocal with yourself and your partner about what you’d like to try, what feels good and what doesn’t.

Feeling brave? Send me your reflections, or post a GIF that represents your shitty or positive (yes some of us had great sex ed) sex ed experiences on Instagram or Facebook.


Lots of love


The Happy V

Sofia FortinComment