Hello Maven Mamas,
I've put together this quick and dirty Self-Love Practice video for you. It was Saturday morning and I woke up with pink eye and a nasty cold, but I didn't want that to hold me back from sending you some deliciousness. I'm sure you can relate.
Let's face it. As a new mama your vagina and vulva have been through one CRAZY mission. She's done a lot of hard work for you over the last 9 months and now that you've been through delivery she's probably not feeling like her old self. She's probably going through a bit of an identity crisis and she may be feeling a little battered and bruised from the journey. You are probably terrified and totally excited to have sex with your partner for the first time since delivery. You yourself might be feeling a bit off-kilter in a new body that's taking on a new role. This practice is meant to help you:
- Reconnect you with your body, your self and your vagina
- Re-spark your libido is she's gone missing
- Heal vaginal trauma and pain (even the most seamless birth is an emotional experience)
- Reconnect with sensual pleasure in all aspects of your life
- Make for a smoother and less painful transition back to sex with your partner.
Ready? Watch the video below or read the instructions beneath and let me know how it goes.
Self Love Practice Video
Self -Love Practice Instructions
Step 1 - Set the Mood and Get Sensual
Mood is crucial to this practice. The first piece is to make sure you have privacy. Ask your partner to take baby for a walk, or ask for an uninterrupted nap. You want to feel safe to explore. The second piece is to get sensual. By that I mean you want to bring one thing into the practice that will stimulate each of the five senses.
- Smell - candles, yummy lotion, incense or essential oils
- Sight - low lighting, pretty fabrics or a clean uncluttered space
- Sound - pure quiet or delicious background music
- Taste - tea, chocolate, strawberries, your favourite delectables
- Touch - sensual fabrics, silk nightgown, feathers, or vibrators
Make sure you have Lube. A little slip and slide will held to ease friction and pain en create a more pleasurable experience.
Make sure you have lots of pillows to support every piece of your body. Put them under your knees to support your legs, prop your back up slightly, make sure every piece of you is fully relaxed.
Step 2 - Get in the Right Head Space
Attitude is also very important to this practice. This is not a race, this is not about achieving the BIG "O". It's about achieving the BIG "P" (P is not for Penis it's for PLEASURE). You want to approach this practice with patience, acceptance for where you are at today, compassion and lots and lots of love.
If everything hurts, that's ok, if you have a great orgasm that's ok, if you feel nothing that's ok. It's all where you are at, and this practice will help you move from numbness and pain to feeling oh so good.
Step 3 - Get started
So you've set up the space. It's comfy and cozy and you are feeling totally relaxed and ready to accept whatever comes. In this awareness practice we are going to self-pleasure for 20 minutes without allowing ourselves to come to orgasm. The time limit allows us to keep present and focused, to be curious about the different emotions and sensations that arise, and really allows the erectile tissues to become fully engorged and ready for penetration. That means: MAXIMUM PLEASURE.
- Set your timer for 20 minutes
- Close your eyes. Put one hand on your yoni (vulva) and one hand on your heart.
- Take 21 slow, deep breaths through your nose. Count on the outbreath of each breath. You can send kind words to your body as you do this, especially to those parts you love to hate on.
- Lay back and take 3- 5 deep breaths. Do this with an open mouth and let out a big sigh as you breathe out. Your goal is to relax as deeply and completely as you can.
Step 4 - Play
- Put some of your favourite lubricant on your hands. Coconut oil with Ylang Ylang or Lavender is amazing and simple.
- Start making large circular motions with your entire hand on your vulva and labia. Go slowly and gently and increase the pressure from your hand over time.
- When you are feeling comfortable and ready start to pleasure yourself in whatever way feels comfortable you can begin. Play with light brush strokes, tickles and pinches and rubbing with different pressure and motion. Remember your goal is to stay to feel oh so yummy but to stay below a 10 on the pleasure scale.
- If you experience pain or if different emotions arise, slow down or stop for a moment, take a deep slow breath and sigh out fully. Relax and resume. If you are experiencing pain, do your best to find a motion or stroke that is gentle and soothing as you continue to breathe and relax. If you want to cry or release emotions, do so. They are coming up to be healed. Be patient with the experience and have compassion for yourself. Do this as many times as you need throughout the practice.
- Remember to stay present, and relaxed and aware. There is no right or wrong only the experience itself.
- Once the timer goes there are no more rules. Bring in a toy, take yourself to the big O, curl up and take a nap or sit and breathe deeply for a bit.
- Closing the practice by journaling your experience is a great way to honour it.
How did it go?
For more information about healing vaginal pain check out the resources page or follow my teacher, Devi Ward. She has an amazing podcast on healing vaginal pain and many other resources.
I'd love to hear your questions, thoughts, and experiences.
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