Have you Talked to Your Vagina Lately? If not - here's some tips to get started.

I know what you are thinking. “What in the world are you talking about Sofia?”

This reaction is typical, but hear me out. There is so much value to getting into dialogue with this intimate space in your body. Let’s talk about why and how to do it.

First, let me backtrack.

I know this value first hand because I have lived it myself. I spent a year at war with my vagina.
I spent a year at constantly at the gyno with some UTI or yeast infection, a year struggling with painful intercourse, and most of my 20s chasing the elusive O. We were not cooperating. And I was in blame mode. What was her problem. Why couldn’t she just get it together? Didn’t she want pleasure to? How could she be so mean, evil really.

I don’t remember when the lightbulb went off. I think it started as more of a weak flicker - but when I clued in I realized that blaming and shaming wasn’t getting me anywhere. I realized that I was holding my hands over my ears and yelling LALALALALALA through the symptoms she used to talk to me. I was placing all of the blame on her without acknowledging my own responsibilities.

It was time to start talking. Or rather, to start listening.

And when I did, I realized I was rushing through sex and not warm and aroused enough before intercourse, I was likely not in the right relationship, and I was very shut down, awkward and nervous about a lot of my sexuality. My vagina was actually sharing so much valuable information with me - I just had to bother to listen. Listening to my vagina got me the O I had been chasing, pain free sex, and I firmly believe it got me the awesome hubby and amazing fam I have today.

Your vagina is your second heart. It is the canary in the cole mine. It holds the secrets to unlocking your truest self, your pleasure, your orgasm and your fullest life. Are you willing to talk to her?

So how do you talk to your vagina then?

1. Start with Getting to know your bits.
   Most sex ed classes will cover the basics, you got three holes down there, one of them makes babies, and be careful not to get any STIs.
   
   Hardly ever do we grow up knowing the intricate beauty of our anatomy (both inside and out). If getting the mirror out feels like too much of a deep dive, I highly recommend starting with a good anatomy textbook - Sheri Winston’s Women’s Anatomy of Arousal is a must read. I have never seen my body in this way - and never been connected to how powerful, cool, and unique it is.
   

2. Start with your imagination.

   Find yourself a quiet sit spot, a comfortable meditation pose, lay down in your bed, or get yourself a pencil and pen.
   
   You can do this just with a visualization, or if it helps you can put pen to paper and write or even draw.
   
   Get quiet for a minute, take some deep breaths and just say hello to your vagina. If it helps you can imagine her as a person. What does she look like? How does she speak? Ask her how she’s feeling these days. Ask her what she needs. Reminisce together about some good or not so good times? Ask her what she wants you to know.
   
   This might feel silly, that’s ok, it might feel like you are “making things up”, that’s ok too - sometimes really insightful things can come out of our imagination.
   

3. Connect with Your body to go Deeper - Level 1

   If you aren’t a big masturbator, and don’t often touch your body you can start with this practice.
   
   With your clothes on or fully naked, put one hand on your heart and one hand on your vulva. The intention here is not to stimulate yourself or bring yourself to pleasure, it is simply to make physical contact between your two hearts. I like to image a little string connecting the two in the centre of my body, or a white or red light filling both areas.
   
   Take several deep breaths. Just feel the warmth of your hand on your body and then go through the questions and conversation from step 1.
   
   

4. Go all the way
   
   If you want to go even deeper into this practice get even more intimate with your vagina.
   
   Set yourself up for an intentional masturbation practice. What do I mean by that? Get yourself set up with Step 2, then add some pleasure. Use your fingers and some lube to gently stimulate yourself - try not to run a porno real and just focus on how your fingers feel on your body. Bring yourself to arousal (but delay orgasm if you can) and talk to your vagina using the prompts above while stimulating yourself.

There is no wrong way to do this. There is no right answer. Only an opportunity to connect with your body, your sexuality, and your authentic self. This is about getting aware and awake to what is going on for us, and it’s the first step to recalibrating your sex life no matte what your hurdles are right now.

If you want to get to know your anatomy better - make sure you join me December 10 for Meet your Vagina - Colour by Number Anatomy. We will laugh, colour and be creative all while getting the Sex ed you, and your vagina, deserve.

And if you need some more help with prompts then be sure to check out the Free Happy V Happy V Me Story Mapping guide. It walks you through a more comprehensive reflection and next steps.

Much love, and happy listening.

The Happy V